I absolutely adore my son and my little family. I really, truly do. BUT-- I feel like I've lost myself a bit. I've been doing, doing, doing, going, going, going for so long that I've lost track of what I need to do for me. I'm writing this post at 10pm because it's the first chance today (well, in days, plural) when I've really been able to sit down and think about why I've been so grumpy lately.
When I was on maternity leave, I told myself that I would go back to the gym and starting running again on my lunch hour once I went back to work. Well, I had a two week span where I actually followed through with my running. I gave in to the heat and my stint fell flat. And, to actually get in the car, drive to the gym, change clothes, work out, rinse off, drive back to work in my lunch hour.... yeah, right.
I want to work out, take a bath, read a book, get my hair cut, get a pedicure, lie in the sun... relax. But, I feel so guilty just thinking about those things because they take me away from my family. I use my drive home from work to decompress and let go of my work woes. The second I get home, my mind starts to whirl about the spare bedroom that is still somewhat undone from my parents' visit last month, the clothes that need to be folded and put away, the vacuuming that needs to be done and did I pay the bills?? I can't remember! AHHHHHH.
Is anyone else going through these feelings? Please tell me I'm not alone in this. And, please, don't get me wrong-- I wouldn't trade my little family for anything. I just need time... and my mind to stop whirring... and my body back.
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