Months later, I decided to join Facebook. I liked that you didn't have to set up a fun background to make yourself look cool. And-- I planned to not extend or accept friend requests unless I truly wanted to be in touch with someone. Now, nearly a year later, I am torn with how to respond to unwanted friend requests. For instance, this morning, I got a friend request from someone that was a very good guy friend throughout high school and then distantly when I was in college. He has visited me in Colorado several times since I moved. THEN-- he did the unthinkable. He invited himself for a visit just over a year ago and acted like a complete and utter fool-- Valentine's weekend, no less. He invited a friend from high school that I literally had not seen since graduation, and then decided to treat J like a jerk and profess his undying love for me in front of everyone. He was angry when I didn't reciprocate. He stayed another 2 days when I made it clear I wasn't thrilled with his presence. I have spoken to him once since he left my house during that trip. He has tried calling, sent weird Hallmark cards, and then sent random texts on my birthday and Christmas. I've virtually written him off. (Although, I did still send his parents a Christmas card because they obviously didn't know their son had acted like a weirdo.) Now, he has decided to open a Facebook account and wants to be my friend. I haven't told him J and I are getting married, and I have no desire to even have a conversation with him because of his bizarre behavior. We come from a small town, so I hate to not accept his "friendship". Plus, I hardly interact with several of the people that I've reconnected with... but I just hate to bring him into my life at all.
So... how do you handle unwanted "friendships"? *Update-- my mom says to go ahead befriend him, even if it's just for show.*
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11 comments:
I just leave it sitting in my friends reqests notifications for a while and then about a month or so later I decline. Probably not the best way to handle the situation but I no one has asked me why I didn't friend them.
If I were you I'd click "ignore" and move on. I know you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings and I don't think you will. It doesn't tell him you ignored it and, hopefully, he'll either forget he sent the friend request or realize that the damage he did to your friendship can't be fixed as easily as he thought.
I know it's hard deciding who to "friend" and who to keep at bay but I've found it easier to click "ignore" than to give them the ability to snoop into my life. Not sure if this will help but if you do confirm him as a friend and then decided to get rid of him, you can totally do that and, again, it won't tell him anything. He'll just stop being able to have access to your profile.
Good luck!!
p.s. Thank you for the award!
Don't feel bad ignoring him. That's the great thing about the internet- you aren't *forced* to have contact with anyone. I'm with Southern Daze- ignore and move on! (Or do a "bless and release" as I call it when I get a bad volunteer I have to let go in my day job.)
I'd click ignore. I don't think a message is sent that you haven't accepted & he'll probably forget about it. Besides that, he was a jerk. Plain & simple.
I have an ex who befriended me on facebook, and he's still sitting in the inbox. I've done that with several people.
Thanks for the comment on the SB product. I think I may have used too much water the first time. The box said to wet the pad AND the surface. Do you do both or just get the pad wet? I REALLY want to like these things haha.
Oh and I forgot my comment about YOUR post. If you are worried about not adding him you can always add him and set him up as a limited profile viewer and control what he can see and if he can even leave you comments. Otherwise I would say just deny him, he has been acting like a weirdo.
I would so just ignore it.
I let quite contrary know, we email all day so no biggie letting me know. :)
I'm totally with everyone on ignoring -- and declining, ultimately. I'm a safety-girl, and I strongly believe my self-defense coaches when they said it's better to be safe than nice :)! Sidenote, in case you're wondering: my friend & I did a test on what happens if you block a user on facebook (ex issues for her), and she blocked me -- she didn't show up when I searched for her by name or email, on any of our mutual friends' pages, all comments she made disappeared, and any photos she was tagged in all became unlinked (so it looks like she's just named, w/o a profile). maybe a bit suspicious if you suddenly disappear, but after some time passes by, it's just yet another unobtrusive option :)
I use to "ignore" it for a while, then decline it a month or so later.
but now I just decline them asap. it's waste of energy trying to figure out when to hit decline
Definitely ignore! If this guy has made a jerk of himself, it's totally within your prerogative not to be his facebook friend.
Facebook does bring up weird etiquette situations, though, doesn't it?
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